I have recently found my smile again. I smile all the time but this smile is different.
It is genuine, unforced, and ridiculously fueled by giggles. The kind of giggles that build into uncontrollable laughter over nothing at all. This laughter builds those moments we all look back on and cherish from the very depth of our core. This insane feeling of being content with who I am and what makes me, me, is something I’ve never felt before. I’m okay with the fact I don’t know what the future holds and that I’m a work in progress. I don’t hate everything that stares back at me in the mirror…even the things that wiggle. I have come to accept them and I know I’m never going to be fully satisfied and that’s okay. For the first time, I can see my accomplishments and hard work and enjoy the rewards that have stemmed from them. I can pinpoint the good in me and graciously admit my faults and work to be better. These new waves of feelings are astounding and come on the heels of a graduation that has always felt so distant and out of reach.
Yet here I am, in all it’s glory, and I’m at peace. I’m at peace with myself in this moment and it feels like freedom from my inner demons and the cycle I tightly wound myself into. It’s funny because many people have grown close to unh. They feel like it’s their home and yet I feel exhilarated that I’m finally done living in a place that I find no true connection. Unh holds so many memories but it is a place that has never felt like home. It is a place that I have battled between who it wants me to be and who I am. A place that has challenged me in unimaginable ways and that has forced me to grow up and face the music. It holds my education but it does not hold my heart. Unh has been a stepping stone in my journey by giving me the means to pursue my career dreams and the lessons to help me realize what I want, who I can be, while testing my friendships, my love life, and my patience. I am sad to see the adventures with those who have stood by me end but I am not sad to pack my bags and move on. I may not have all the answers and I definitely don’t have all the money, but I’m ready for the journey that lies ahead….whatever that may be.