Growing up ME

I can’t believe I’m here, less than a month from graduation, months from paying off my first college loan. I just signed the dotted line on my first apartment lease. Tickled, no fathomed, by the idea that this bright eyed me is going to have earned a Bachelors of Communication in a cool 25 days. Grateful to have the cushion of graduate school lined up for next year. Terrified of what lies beyond that, of what wonders I have yet to encounter, of what dreams may be crushed and which ones may succeed.

Success is something we all strive for, until this moment I had not truly considered all the little things I’m clueless about. I don’t have any sewing ability. I realized the hard way you can’t trust that everyone will do the right thing or the most humane thing. But then again what does it truly mean to do the right thing? How can one thing always be ‘right’. Four years of college has taught me you’re never going to know it all and that I still have so much to learn and experience. Taxes are stressful, cars are complicated, and groceries are expensive. Saving money isn’t easy.

I realized I have to stop relying on my parents to save the day. I realized I can’t play the oblivious card and I have to take the time to educate myself about loans, taxes, and cars. I have to do it myself if I’m going to be successful. A support system is one thing but relying solely on others has to stop.

I have to let go of fear, of the fear of striking out. Let go of the fear of not being good enough. To be seen as good enough starts within. A lesson I can preach to the ends of the Earth but one I battle to promote in my own life everyday.

To remember that not everyday is good, but there’s something good in everyday. Not to just think this but live it. To actively find those good things even if they seem minuscule.

College has taught be to be bold. Wear what you want, be who you want, like what you want, love who you want. Those who like the real you are the only ones worth sticking with.

Smiling is better than drugs, and food. A good belly laugh can cure even the saddest of days or the worse breakup.

When it comes to assignments don’t skip reading. Reading doesn’t mean no homework. I will admit I thought it did as a kid, but reading is truly amazing. It enhances your vocabulary, broadens your world, engages your brain, builds prior knowledge, and allows you to escape for a bit. So, do it. Even if it’s just during college, it’ll pay off.

Make time for those who matter most. Live a little, drink on a weekday if you feel like it. This is the time of your life to be a little reckless, to be spontaneous. It is time to grow up a little but there’s never a time to be too serious. Don’t take yourself too seriously; you’ll let yourself down. You are human; you are going to make mistakes. You’re going to let words slip past your lips that you wish you could vacuum back up like it never happened. Mistakes make us who we are, lead us to our experiences, and transform the way we do things. Embrace them.

Change is rough, but it’s okay. Change makes my skin crawl, my lips tremble, my heart pulse, and my hand reach for the sugary, the fattening, and the all-around un-nutritious food. Change is scary, but without it we do not grow, we do not evolve.

As I sit here in Union Court, I can’t help but be a little sad. This random collection of chairs and tables has housed some of my best days and some of my worst. I look around and see memories of group projects, of gossip and food. Of study sessions, and Facebook creeping. Nevertheless, what baffles me most is that this place has been my home for four years. Four years that went by so fast, I could not even tell you when it happened. Life really does pass you by as you are making other plans. To think, I have been planning for this very moment, this graduation, since the day that society said that after high school students go to college. Since, the day I worked my butt off in middle school to be placed in the level three classes in high school. I crammed for exams and took the SAT’s, visited colleges and filled out the common app. Then, it all seemed so distant, so difficult, and daunting. Yet, here I am less than a month from graduating, and guess what?  I did it.

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2 thoughts on “Growing up ME

  1. Grampa & I have just lived it with you thru yours words. How proud we are of you..You did it!! You !! Our little girl with the big brown eyes , beautiful smile and a laugh that makes others join in…you are amazing Emily Elizabeth..we love you….

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